In middle age, popular topics in social circles often revolve around the vision and plans for children's education and employment. Therefore, topics like those of Zhang Xuefeng (a Chinese internet celebrity offering guidance on university major selection) have garnered widespread attention online.
The younger the child, the higher the parents' expectations, feeling that anything is possible; the older the child, the more anxious parents become about the intense competition, as reality becomes increasingly apparent.
Even recognizing the low success rate of this intense competition, parents actively push their children to compete, hoping they will be ambitious and stand out.
Meanwhile, many parents are
not optimistic about their own future, lacking drive, a stark contrast to their
expectations for their children.
Why this contradictory difference?
Are parents more demanding of others than of themselves?
Do they believe their lives are already set in stone? Do they feel they have no future?
Therefore, they expect the next generation to strive? Do they hope the next generation will surpass their parents and achieve great success?
Do they believe that when their children grow up, the era's opportunities will arrive, and their children will be able to seize them and win?
But if
we lack confidence in ourselves, where will our confidence in the next
generation come from? And how can the next generation have confidence in
themselves?
Don't push your unfulfilled dreams onto your children.
Why assume the next generation can do what you couldn't?
Your dreams are your dreams; your children are independent individuals with their own lives.
Besides, if the locomotive doesn't move, how can the train move?
Parents must lead by example. Don't just demand your children study hard while you yourself are glued to your phones.
Don't
just urge your children to work hard and strive to change their destiny while
you yourself lack ambition and resign yourself to fate.
Lao Tzu's *Tao Te Ching* says, "The sage acts without acting, teaches without speaking."
A top leader, a ruler, is a role model for the entire nation. He doesn't preach but leads by example, setting a good example through his words and deeds.
As the
head of the household, your own hard work and striving are the best guidance
for your children to be positive and motivated.
Everything in the world has its cycles. Spring, summer, autumn, and winter—the four seasons alternate.
Currently, middle-aged people in China have experienced the benefits of a period of rapid economic growth.
However, a new cycle has already begun. This shift in the broader context is a major reason for their pessimism about their future and their lack of drive.
Relatively speaking, they already have a certain foundation in their careers and experience, and the inertia of the old cycle still exists to some extent.
How long will this new cycle last? Will the next generation face an even harsher winter, or a new beginning with spring blossoms? It's all uncertain.
Instead
of lecturing our children with grand principles, we should put them into
practice ourselves.
Our generation needs to be prepared: to provide a safety net for the next generation, both mentally and materially.
It's not that we are stronger or more diligent while they are weaker or lazier; it's simply that we were born into different eras.
If we had been born in the chaotic late Qing Dynasty or the Republic of China, or other unbearable historical periods, would most of us have the life we have today?
A person's achievements in life depend first on the broader historical context, then on family background and interpersonal relationships, and only then on personal talent, effort, opportunity, and luck.
Faced
with such a historical context, individual effort is like a leaf on a raging
sea. Don't be foolish enough to assume that life will always be peaceful just
because you've had enough to eat for a few years.
Therefore, we should think more about how we can build a legacy for our children, ensuring they become the next generation of the family.
This doesn't mean everyone should become extremely wealthy, but rather that we should provide our children with security.
We should provide them with a safety net, a haven, even in the worst-case scenario, so they don't have to fight a desperate battle or resort to extreme measures.
We should ensure they don't have to worry about the pressures of studying, job hunting, or working. Even if they fail, or the investment is large but the return is small (which is the inevitable outcome for most people struggling with their studies), they should have the confidence to "just pack up and go home" if they don't get into a prestigious university or face bullying in the workplace.
Therefore, everyone should guide and encourage their children to strive, ideally by setting an example themselves and working their hardest.
Parents should have higher expectations for themselves than for their children. They should think more about how to push themselves and strive for success for the next few decades.
Let
yourself compete more than force your children to compete!
人到中年，圈子里的热门话题，通常会有对子女教育、就业的愿景和规划，所以张雪峰式的话题广受网民关注。
孩子越小，家长就越充满了高期望，感到一切皆有可能；孩子越大，家长就越流露出对内卷的焦虑，毕竟现实越来越明显。
可即使认识到内卷成功率低，家长也积极推动孩子内卷，希望他们充满斗志、脱颖而出。
同时，大量的家长对自己前途却不太乐观，缺乏闯劲，与对孩子的要求大相径庭。
为什么会有这样相反的差异？
难道家长们严于要求他人，却轻轻放过自己？
难道大家认为自己这辈子就这样了？觉得自己已经没戏了？
所以期望下一代打拼？指望下一代就会超越父母能大杀四方？
以为子女长大后就正好时代红利来了而小孩抓得住、卷得赢？
但，如果我们对自己没信心，对下一代的信心何来？下一代又如何对自己有信心？
自己做不到的事，为什么就认为下一代能做到？
你的梦是你的梦，子女是独立的人格存在，他们也有自己的人生。
何况，火车头不动，火车凭何而动？
家长自己要带头，不能光要求孩子发愤读书，而家长却只会刷手机不看书。
不要光鞭策孩子去卷去拼，去努力奋斗改变命运，而家长自己却没有了凌云壮志，只会认命。
老子《道德经》说：“圣人处无为之事、行不言之教”。
一个顶级的领导者、国之君父就是全民的榜样，他不热衷于说教，而是以身作则，以自己的言行给天下垂范。
家长是一家之君，你去发愤图强、打拼奋斗，才是让孩子积极向上的最好引导。
当前中国的中年人，经历了一个经济高速增长的时代红利期。
而一个新的周期早已来临。大背景的转变是他们对自己前途不太乐观、缺乏闯劲的一大原因。
但相对而言，他们已有一定的事业基础和打拼经验，而旧周期的惯性仍有一定程度地存在。
而这个新周期将持续多久？下一代将面临更凛冽的寒冬，还是春暖花开的新局？都是不确定的。
与其对子女讲大道理，不如自己身体力行。
我们这一代人要有这样一个准备：给下一代兜底、啃老的思想和物质准备。
不是我们更强、更勤而他们更弱、更懒，而是投胎的时代不同。
如果我们投胎在清末民国的乱世，或其他不忍追忆的历史时期，我们中的绝大多数人会有现在的生活吗？
人一生的成就，首先取决于所处的时代大背景，其次是家庭背景、人际关系，然后才是个人的天赋、努力和际遇、运气。
在时代大背景前，个人的努力，如同于怒海惊涛中的一片树叶。不要因为吃饱了饭没多少年，就傻乎乎地以为永远岁月静好。
所以，我们要多去想想自己怎么卷，给娃留家底，让他们成为Ｘ二代。
不是说都要大富大贵，而是要给子女一份保障。
要让他们在最糟糕的情况下，也有一个退路，一个港湾，让他们在奋斗之际，无须背水一战、走上极端。
要让他们不必焦虑于卷学习、卷求职、卷上班，即使卷输了、投入大而收益小（实际这是大部分人卷学业等的必然结局），当没考上名校、在职场受欺凌时，也有“大不了卷铺盖回家”的底气。
所以，大家要引导、激励孩子奋斗，最好是自己以身作则，全力打拼。
家长对自己，要有比对孩子更高的要求，多想想如何在自己的将来几十年，卷自己，再奋斗几十年。
卷娃不如卷自己！
Comments
Post a Comment